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  • Yeah, except for when you have to sit down on those old too-small toilets, where you have to crush your junk down between your legs just to aim, and then sometimes your dick is like, touching the toilet water… Gross! Still, I'd prefer sitting down to pee and protecting the family jewels, to feeling like I am giving birth to a child at random (the estimated amount of pain getting kicked in the nuts results in.)
    I'm a proud independent man with reproductive rights! No one should be able to force me suffer the pain of childbirth!

    If you woke up after a hot night of sex to discover you had switched bodies with your lover/spouse, how upset would you be? What if you then started switching bodies back and forth each time you had sex? Would it be a 'major turn-on'... or just kill the mood?

  • As this one went unanswered


    If you're a guy would you rather forfeit the right to pee while standing up for the rest of your life or get kicked in the nuts at random, usually when you least expect it, for 5 years?

    I got kicked in the balls in a fight once. Trust me, I could not handle that for 5 years. I'd gladly choose to piss sitting down for the rest of my life thanks.

    1. It's now open season on some asses. When I get done… Seeing this confirmation I take it as my hint to take my skills in land cultivation, and survival, and go live the fuck out in the middle of nowhere. I'm hardly important enough for anyone to come after me anyways.


    i'm sorry ? am i supposed to know you ? get in line like every body !
    (from France here, dunno any Mike Judge… and i am NOT checking google :o) )

    He made Beavis and Butt-Head which in turn inspired the creators of South Park. Then he made King of the Hill.

    What if money really did grow on trees?

  • @'~ArgonCyanide777':

    Mike Judge

    i'm sorry ? am i supposed to know you ? get in line like every body !
    (from France here, dunno any Mike Judge… and i am NOT checking google :o) )

    What if...
    you discover that you country is secretly doing something that goes against every principle its constitution stands for. It could be torture, spying, intelligence with enemies... And you stumble on documents that accounts for these acts:

    1. [Deny] Man, you're reading too much conspirationists blogs ! I'm sure the documents you've found are doctored.
    2. [Do Nothing] Man, thats how it already is ! aint much i can do.
    3. [Act] Man, i'd go Snowden on the governemnt !
    4. Man, … [more, explain]

  • I had to look up who that even was but I don't think it'd change much. You'd have a pretty fun job, I guess.

    If you're a guy would you rather forfeit the right to pee while standing up for the rest of your life or get kicked in the nuts at random, usually when you least expect it, for 5 years? It might be ten times a day or it might be just once in over two weeks… the fear would be not knowing when it's coming and expecting everyone... little old ladies, small children, police officers, cashiers... anyone and everyone!

    So which will it be? :D

  • A) only if it was justifiable. Like the guy is a was a total shithead.

    What if I was really Mike Judge?

  • Well… none of my family members live with me so it'd be a bit weird for my non-existent sister or my dead (zombie?) grandmothers to be in my house on their own to begin with, not to mention how my friend got in...

    If my friend is having sex with my dead zombie grandmother, or maybe a threesome with both of them, I'm just gonna leave them to it. I don't want any part of that. I don't even want to ever remember that. I'd like to scrub my eyes with chlorox if it could erase ever having seen that... So, A.

    Your best friend calls you up and tells you they just murdered someone and they need help disposing the body. You...
    A) Help them.
    B) Turn them in.
    C) Give them instructions over the phone.
    D) Wash your hands of the situation.
    E) Other. Explain.

  • What if you came home to find your best friend who can't see very well having sex with one of your family members?
    Would you..
    (A) Leave them to it.
    (B) (Lie) To keeps his dignity and tell him what are you doing with my Sister.
    Or (D) (Truth) Tell him to go easy on Nan has just had her hip done.

  • @'Tiffany':

    I've actually written two or three stories along that premise I proposed. ;)

    In the one most similar the protagonist goes through the jungle convinced they need to find food and water and they end up getting raped by tentacle monster plants that inhabit the world and eventually escape after learning how to fly after like a week long raping in every hole they have, and eventually find out that there were villages in literally every direction around the pool except the tiny sliver of jungle they managed to bungle down and end up getting lost in… lol

    Sounds a little big too extreme to interest me… unless of course it's all farcical, and done for comedic effect.

    I'm actually thinking about taking what I have written so far, filling it out with short _sex_planations (sex scenes) for the alternative choice junctions, and turn it into a humorous little 'choose-your-own-erotic-adventure' story, because why not? I've never done one of those before, and it could be quite entertaining to see how many times my character can bungle things up and repeatedly die in unique ways.:P

  • I've actually written two or three stories along that premise I proposed. ;)

    In the one most similar the protagonist goes through the jungle convinced they need to find food and water and they end up getting raped by tentacle monster plants that inhabit the world and eventually escape after learning how to fly after like a week long raping in every hole they have, and eventually find out that there were villages in literally every direction around the pool except the tiny sliver of jungle they managed to bungle down and end up getting lost in… lol

  • @'Tiffany':

    You finally meet your perfect dream girl but she's so perfect in fact that you cum literally within seconds of putting it inside of her, whether it's her mouth, her pussy, or her ass. Let's say… in under 60 seconds for vaginal, under 30 seconds for oral, and a measly 15 seconds for anal. You finally get to have sex with your perfect dream girl but you can't even get her off because you cum so ridiculously fast every time. What do you do?

    I just ejaculate and keep right on going. No refractory period! Then after about ten minutes and fifteen orgasms later, I fall atop her and go into a week-long coma. Mission accomplished.

  • **Nice scenario for a story opener Tiff! I think it should be called: 'Alien Rebirth'.

    I have always wanted to actively participate in one of these 'choose-your-own-adventures', but before now never had the chance. Mind if I take over for a bit?**
    Story commence:

    You die alone, even as you lived; not elegantly.

    …No getting run over coming out of a stylish nightclub all dressed up in a short skirt and go-go boots, or dying of heart disease at a ripe old age. Instead it's something silly; coming home late from just another day of teaching junior high, tripping over your cat (camouflaged in the dark against the newly installed plush carpet) and impaling your throat on a pair of old broken bunny ears sitting atop your TV. As consciousness dims (your life blood pumping from your jugular vein and carotid artery), you feel your cat's tongue on your cheek. She's purring, too dumb to realize what she has done. You don't hold it against her, even as you lay there terrified of your own unmaking.

    As your vision fades permanently to black... you say your goodbyes to this old world…
    (Thinking about Derrick the surprisingly well-built custodian, who just asked you out on a date... all the snotty adolescents you teach... even jealous Linda your teacher rival, who Derrick just broke things off with.)

    Yet suddenly regain consciousness in a new one — finding yourself curled in a fetal position, surrounded by springy, opalescent walls -- muffling and blurring your senses. Your press your hands outwards and discover you are cocooned in what appears to be an elastic egg shell. Panicking, you scratch at the tough membrane and easily gouge your way through.

    A thick, gelatinous goo comes oozing in through the openings. Terrified of it clogging your mouth and nose, you push upwards; breaking free of the last tatters of elastic eggshell, and claw towards the surface of what you can now identify as a transparent, somewhat clingy pool of a tar-like substance!

    At last, (in a cruel mockery of childbirth) you break the surface, drawing in a deep breath of strangely heavy air. Treading goo and slowly turning in circle, it takes you a moment to comprehend the true incongruity of your surroundings — an alien, almost cartoon world full of vibrantly glossy hues and textures. The dirt is gold, the plant life comes in startlingly reflective shades of blue… and the sky is a reddish nebula that shifts and alters like liquid clouds, changing colors between all the possible (and improbable) shades of sunset, casting an intense aura onto the scene confronting you.

    You can't see very far, as jungle hems in the pool on all sides, limiting your depth-of-view.

    The gravity feels so much stronger here! Keeping your head above the surface is proving difficult. You decide to strike out for shore, some three meters distant, (though it feels much farther with how challenging it is to navigate the slime).

    Small, fish-like creatures (but with the webbed limbs of amphibians) swim past - using abrupt, staccato movements to propel themselves through the slime. They creep you out, giving you the last bit of needed encouragement to keep on struggling to get free.

    Something inexorably presses against your back, threatening to drag you down — feeling heavy as the backpack you used to wear when walking between classes at junior college; a place --(an existence)-- now lost to you.

    Scrambling forward through the goop, your feet at last find traction against the submerged ground — and - hauling yourself the last meter by sheer stubborn force of will - you collapse like a gutted fish at the shore line – physically and mentally exhausted.

    Slowly your energy returns; taking you a minute just to get to the point where you can crawl – and another minute until you are at last able to stagger drunkenly to your feet, swaying under the weight of increased gravity. Truly, it feels like you’ve donned a weighted body suit, quadrupling your body’s size to weight ratio. Good thing you are so strong.

    Not knowing what else to do, you think to check the time of day, but there is no discernible sun in the fiery sky. Out of instinct, glancing at the spot where your watch normally lies strapped to your slim chocolaty wrist, you stare in wonder at the reddish pattern of scales decorating the top of your forearm.

    The weight on your back you identify as massive wings; (diminished greatly in ungainliness over the last few minutes as the goop slid from their leathery folds).

    Checking your reflection in the tar-pit, you find that your face, (though highly alien), is quite lovely, and not of a race easily comparable to earthly standards: High elven cheekbones and dark, reddish-black slanted eyes... plus a wide mouth--with plump red lips, concealing your square based yet pointy-tipped teeth, which inter-mesh perfectly as you grin savagely down at your reflection.

    The strangeness doesn’t stop there, as you're now in a differently proportioned body as well — if you were going to compare it to any one thing; the body of a succubus. A very voluptuous & beautiful one at that, complete with fangs, claws, horns, tail, and the aforementioned wings. You color is that of the sky; multi-hued and fiery near the larger scales of your joints, but fading to an orangey-pink subtle texture everywhere else.

    There are no ripples to disturb this pool and wash away your reflection. Nevertheless, reaching down, you stroke your clawed finger through the goo, marring your reflection for a few seconds, until the gel surrounding the divot slowly oozes in to fill the gap; once again leaving a smooth, unbroken surface.

    Raising this sampling of gel to sniff, you find it has no smell whatsoever. Cautiously, dabbing at the thickly coated finger with a forked tongue, you find to your surprise what you thought was goop is actually plain ol' water. Perhaps the higher gravity here explains it's gelatinous consistency?

    While your newly-acquired body seems incredibly tough and resilient, there is really no way of knowing what might be out there, lurking in the foliage.

    What do you do?

    A) Wait by the pool and see if anyone comes.
    B) Try to navigate through the jungle.
    C) Attempt to fly and scope out the area.
    D) Build a shelter.

    A) You decide to wait by the pool and see if anyone shows up, figuring having company before you set off exploring (or building a shelter) sounds preferential to going it alone.

    Some time passes. You amuse yourself by making facial expressions in the goo pool.

    Through carefully inspection (dunking your head underwater to get a better view), you have discovered there is another, (larger) unhatched egg in the pool, spying it through the smooth (if light-distorting) pool of goo. More troubling is the fact that there are two egg-sacks 'already hatched'; yours, and another of roughly equal size. The thought that there is another creature like you running or flying around out there, makes you nervous.

    Just as you begin to grow restless, (and are thinking about wading back in and checking on the final egg sack), the surface begins to heave, and birthed from the sludge-like water uncurls an enormous blue lizard-man, easily a third again as tall as you, and twice as heavy!

    Half stumbling, half dragging himself towards the shore, (dark eyes darting around frantically at the unfamiliar surroundings), his blue-cast gaze finally locks on you... and freezes.

    You 'size him up', even as he doubles over to cough and hack at the thick air -- admiring his thick arms, blocky thighs, and broadly muscular back. At his crotch is some sort of 'large-scale’ skin-sheath, hooding his equipment from sight.

    Holding out your hand, by some instinct knowing how to flair out your wide bat wings behind you for purchase in the tangible air, you offer him assistance onto the shore — pulling him free of the sucking morass… and right on top of you!

    His weight is not enough to crush you, but as he lays there gasping you feel a soft, warm something pressing against your crotch. The realization that it is his flaccid shaft poking out of its sheath, encourages...

    A) ...an intense feeling of lust.
    B) ...you to hurriedly push aside his ‘limp’ form.

    A) encourages an intense feeling of lust... rushing warmth to your breasts and loins...

    B) ...you to hurriedly push aside his ‘limp’ form.

    Scrambling away to a safe distance, you can’t resist turning back to study him. Though flaccid, his phallus dangles down some eight inches to lightly brush the turf, the uncircumcised head already large and apparent beneath the cobalt skin-sheath; (a series of small points bumping up the skin along it's flange).

    Laying on his side, his eyes carefully watch you - obviously admiring your taut breasts, (complete with dark red volcano nipples)... Then, noticing where YOUR eyes are locked, (and how wide they have grown), he glances down and utters a croaking growl of shock. seemingly at will, his sizable length of cock withdraws back into a protective sheath of scaled skin. His testes are nowhere to be seen.

    Sex is obviously not what is on his mind. Like, he probably just died and was transported here from earth, (or some other similar realm), and his probably still too confused to seriously consider sex. You sigh in relief, but some other primal part of you can’t help but feel slight stirrings at the sight of so ‘big’ and ‘helpless’ a target.
    “No!” …you insistently tell yourself, walking around behind him to get out of his line of vision.

    Still, stepping forward, you’re unable to resist running a hand along the micro-scaled ridges of his back to remove some of the water. Unlike you he lacks wings. Neither are his fingers pointed; rather square and spade-like, and of a similar diadem blue color to the sparse grass upon which he lays.

    A noise from behind makes you whip your head around. There, across the pool approaches a lithe cat-woman, just emerging from the jungle. Like your house-cat back on earth, her bristly golden fur camouflages inordinately well against the somewhat reflective ground. She also moves like a cat; sleek and powerful, yet still quite busty -- (Doubly so!) -- with bright yellow nipples (four of them), well-proportioned legs, and a petite waist.

    Unfortunately for you however, her proud face is drawn into a rictus of aggression; hissing at you in a guttural language you are somehow able to understand. “Stay away from him if you value your life!” You can’t tell if she is warning you 'off him', or 'that he is dangerous'. Either way, she stocks her way around the pool towards you. Just watching her move leaves you feeling clumsy in comparison.

    Your mouth suddenly dry, you wonder what to do next?!

    A) Flee into the forest and hide.
    B) Retreat to a safe distance and observe.
    C) Stay put and act submissive.
    D) Stand your ground and defend your catch.

    Please elaborate your answer.

  • Well, I don't eat cookies very often but it really depends which ingredient the allergy is to and how severe it is. My favorite cookies are white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.

    I could deal with being allergic to macadamia nut, I could easily just substitute another nut in its place but white chocolate I couldn't handle being allergic to… I'm in love with that stuff. Also, the other ingredients pretty much include extremely common cooking things like butter, brown sugar, white sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, flour, baking soda, and salt. So, any allergy of any of those things other than the macadamia nuts would be quite hard to handle since it'd annhilate entire food groups. I'd just have to deal with it if that were the case of course but it wouldn't be ideal.

    You die. Maybe you got hit by a car or died of heart disease or even something silly like tripping and impaling your throat with a pair of old broken bunny ears sitting atop your TV, but you are dead. You very clearly remember your death.

    As your vision fades to black suddenly you feel as if you've just been thrown in a pool of goo. You're completely surrounded in goo and your vision is blurred by it. You move your hands outwards and you're surrounded by what appears to be a soft elastic egg shell that stretches, similar to the scene where Neo "wakes up" in The Matrix.

    Once you break through that egg's barrier and manage to swim through a very thick goo-like pool to land you realize a few things:

    Firstly, you're now on an alien world. The dirt is gold, the plant life are in shades of blue, and the sky is a red nebula that moves like clouds changing colors between shades of the sunset giving a very beautiful appearance. The sky seems overcast, not too bright and not too dark, and you can't identify any sun.

    Next, you're now in a completely different body... the body of a succubus. A very voluptuous beautiful one, complete with fangs, claws, horns, wings, and tail.

    There are other unhatched eggs in the pool that you've just come from and you're surrounded by a thick jungle. Just walking is difficult because the gravity feels so much stronger here. In fact, it takes you several hours just to get to the point where you can walk and it feels as if every muscle in your body has donned lead weights.

    What do you do?
    A) Wait by the pool and see if anyone comes. How long do you wait, and what then?
    B) Try to navigate through the jungle.
    C) Try to fly until you manage to be able to then get a good view of the area.
    D) Other, explain.

  • Umm… that's kind of a contradiction. :) A 100% hetero (rare as it is) either couldn't make him/herself do that or it would be muted and not passionate at all... Now someone who thinks they're 100% hetero but yet to discover otherwise...

    For this hypothetical, if we could rewind to before I discovered I was mildly bi, and you found me a passable* transsexual woman (can be pre-op or post-op) or the androgynous blonde on the front of Vampire Portrait vol2. then I think I could do it.

    *Passable as in looks similar to kimber james, danielle fox, or some others whose names I can't think of right now.

    What if you had a food allergy to your favorite cookies?

  • Typical guy answer perhaps…

    I'd have sex with her anyway, then use my hands to strum her clit like a mandolin! :D

    Edit: adding follow-up what if?

    What if your a 100% hetero guy or girl who has the opportunity to have amazing sex with the most perfect woman or man. But first they want to see you have a passionate kiss for 5 minutes with a member of the same sex?

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  • Ask if she wants to get dirty again. Also, pray she was over the legal age in my state…

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